me as myself

My Loved one has depart this world

Early yesterday morning i got the most schoking phone call in my whole life,my loved one,my husband,my best friend,other half of me had died in car accident.
I can not beleave it is true,i am just waiting to wake from this sick dream,waiting he will call me and say it was all somekind of mistake or missunderstung.
How God can let this happen?

Mun Rakkaani,mieheni,puolisoni,elämänkumppanini,paras ystäväni,elämäni valo ja aurinko,kaikkeni on poissa.

Hän menehtyi aikaisin lauantai aamuna 21.3 auto-onnettomuuden jälkeen Latakiassa,jossa oli käymässä.Hänen piti palata sieltä viikon kuluttua.

Perjantai-iltana puhuttiin puhelimessa ja kaikki oli hyvin,hän kertoi olleensa pienessä kolarissa,mutta kertoi saaneen vain muutamia naarmuja jalkaan ja käteen,nyt häntä ei enää ole.En tiedä tarkalleen mitä on tapahtunut,kaikki ovat shokissa.

En pysty hyväksymään asiaa,odotan että herään tästä paskasta unesta,odotan että rakkaani soittaa ja kertoo koko jutun olleen vain huono vitsi,jolla hän halusi testata olisinko surullinen jollei häntä enää olisi.

Rakkaani,oma armaani,kaikkeni älä ole kuollut,älä jätä minua näin yksin tähän maailmaan.

Ya hayati,ya alby,i love you with all my heart,you are my everything.
me as myself

Legal cheating in Saudi way

Al-Zawaj Al-Urufi: A marriage of convenience
Nadeen Ibrahim | Arab News

MADINAH: With an increased number of expatriates in Madinah, Saudi men ­— often already married — are resorting to marrying young expatriate women through nonstate-recognized nikahs/marriages known in Arabic as Al-Zawaj Al-Urufi.

“The number of expatriates in Madinah — those who are resident, legal or illegal — has far exceeded the number of Saudis here,” said a source at Madinah Municipality, who asked his name not be published.

“Some expatriates try to earn cash by marrying their daughters or sisters to Saudis. This has resulted in a remarkable increase in the number of such marriages,” he added.

Marriage registers — known in the Kingdom as “mazuns” — are accredited by the Saudi authorities and are not allowed to carry out marriages, especially those between Saudis and non-Saudis, without legal permits. Saudis wanting to marry non-Saudis must first obtain marriage permits from the Ministry of Interior, something that can take months to years to acquire.

There are, however, unregistered expatriate sheikhs who are ready to conduct the rites of an Islamic nikah. Such marriages are legal according to Islamic Law, but not acceptable under Saudi rules.

Kamal Muhammad, an IT teacher at a boys’ school in Madinah, said such marriages cost no more than SR10,000. “I learned about them from a friend who arranged an appointment for me with an expatriate man who was looking for a husband for his daughter,” he said.

“The father showed me three of his daughters and asked me to choose one. He made a condition that the dowry should be no less than SR7,000 and that I should stay with her at the same house,” he said.

He added that after agreeing to the condition he made his choice. “The father brought a sheikh who was of his own nationality to write the contract. I paid them SR5,000 and promised to give the remainder of the money later. We then underwent a wedding party that was attended by the bride’s mother and other close relatives. I never expected things to move so fast and to be married within a few minutes for such a small amount of money,” he said.

Kamal said his father-in-law also asked him to pay SR600 each month for his wife’s upkeep. “Of course I readily agreed. Where can you find such a young and beautiful wife?” he said.

He, however, divorced his wife after five months after he came to know such marriages were common trade among some foreigners. “She won’t lose any time and will remarry the next day,” he added.

Saudi businessman Ghazi said he has unofficially married and divorced a number of expatriate women. “My Saudi wife is the principal of a school; her work is her priority. I do not want to have a normal second marriage and all the responsibilities that come with it such as setting up another home and having children,” he said. “I want a woman who spoils me and makes me happy. So I’ve married five foreign ladies in this unofficial way. These marriages are cheap and nor do I need to rent a home. I just live with them at their own homes,” he said.

Ghazi said his five wives were of different nationalities. He added that the “best” was an African woman from Chad.

Khaled, a secondary school teacher, also agrees. “The common law marriage provides us with the opportunity to change. We can tie the knot with all kinds of women, old or young, white or black, without our Saudi wives and relatives finding out,” he said.

“The foreign wives will prefer to keep silent for fear of deportation because most of them are illegally staying in the Kingdom,” he said.

Fatima, an Afghan woman, said she underwent an unofficial marriage with a Saudi man who promised to make their marriage legal afterward. “He divorced me when he learned I was pregnant. My father had to beg him to come to hospital to name my baby boy after him. He did that but has disappeared since,” she said.

Fatima said her baby boy is now two and that she loves him dearly. “I was warned several times about marrying in such a way but I wouldn’t listen. I was tempted by money and my ex-husband’s promises to make the marriage legal afterward,” she said.

“I have become an example for many unmarried Afghan women who are now totally against such marriages,” she said.

A Saudi wife, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said she discovered her husband had married three women in such a way. “I became suspicious of his behavior. So I kept a close eye on him until I saw him one day entering a house, which was occupied by foreigners. When I confronted him, he confessed that he had secretly married,” she said.

“He said he resorted to them because he did not want to commit adultery. I forgave him because his marriages were only on paper; he had no children from them and did not rent a home for them,” she added.

According to marriage registers in the Kingdom, marriages with overstayers are illegal since overstayers are not recognized by law as living in the Kingdom.

Women who undergo nikahs with Saudi men without official recognition from the state usually lose their legal rights as wives in the eyes of the law. Women who are divorced cannot claim their rights — such as alimony — as their marriages are not legally registered in the Kingdom.

In a previous Arab News article, Mohammed Saeed Tayib, a legal consultant, said there are legal channels through which marriages conducted abroad can be legalized under Saudi law. He added there is little that can be done to legalize “unofficial” marriages conducted in the Kingdom.

me as myself

Book about sexual health education published in UAE

Book on sex education creates stir in UAE
Shadiah Abdullah | Arab News

DUBAI: A first of its kind book on sexual education written by an Emirati social worker has created heated debates in the online community in the UAE. Wedad Lootah, a counselor at the Dubai Family Court, wrote the 221-page book, “The Secrets of Sexual Congress Between Married Couples.”

The book hit the stores a month ago. Published at the author’s own expense, the book has seven chapters covering topics such as marriage in Islam, the fiqh of cohabitation, marriage and sex, nutrition and sex and solutions to sexual problems, as well as some real life stories.

The book’s opponents, mostly men, claim that the book’s topic is taboo and should not be publicly discussed. Some have even gone as far as to call Lootah an infidel and a sinner for writing about such a subject.

On the other hand, the book’s supporters say there is an urgent need for such educative literature. They point out that Arab societies are turning a blind eye to problems resulting from ignorance of sexual issues.

Lootah, who is no stranger to controversy, is unfazed by all the negativity the book has generated. A few years ago she caused a stir by calling for the introduction of sex education in UAE schools.

“I think a lot of people who have not even bothered to read the book are confusing matters. This book targets couples who plan to get married, not school children. Young people should be given education on these matters but the content should be appropriate for their ages,” she said.

Lootah, who wears a full hijab, said she referred Islamic sources for her book. “After I finished the draft, I showed it to scholars, including the mufti of Dubai who approved it,” she said.

Lootah, who has been working in the family courts for six years, said the book was inspired by her experiences at work.

In one of the divorce cases she was counseling, a man sought separation from his wife because she refused to give in to his whims.

Even though the man took care of his wife’s interests, she was adamant in her refusal saying such acts were demeaning to her status in society.

In another case, a woman who had been married for 35 years without ever enjoying sexual relationship with her husband was seeking divorce. “The poor woman did not know that she could gain pleasure from being intimate with her husband,” said Lootah.

“She was so angry and disgusted by her husband’s selfishness that she refused to live with him and filed for divorce,” she added.

According to Lootah, all these divorce cases and many others that reach the courts on a daily basis would not have been there if these couples were given proper sexual education.

me as myself

ARAB NEWS:AIDS victim’s rape being investigated

MAKKAH: The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice and the Public Prosecution in Makkah are investigating the case of an Indonesian AIDS victim who was raped by 46 men, including one police officer, around a month ago.

The woman, a 38-year-old maid, was initially raped at a backstreet rest house by a police officer. The woman was picked up by the officer after running away from her sponsor in the Nuzhah district late at night one month ago, Al-Watan newspaper reported.

Forty-five other men then raped her over the course of the night and next day.

The woman was then left on an empty road where another police patrol found her and took her to the King Faisal Hospital in the Al-Shishsha district of the city.

Subsequently, medical investigations showed that the woman was suffering from AIDS. She is still recovering in hospital, the daily said.

Police raided the rest house and arrested a number of men who raped the woman.

One of the men then supplied police with the names of his friends who also raped the woman.

Al-Watan newspaper also quoted a medical source as saying the suspects would have to wait at least six months to confirm whether they have AIDS, as symptoms only appear six months after the virus enters one’s body.

The men have been released on bail while investigations continue.

me as myself

They didn't heard about tolerance?

Source:Arab News 041208

Scorned and more than just a little bit angry at a would-have-been brother in law, a young Saudi man in this Eastern Province city broke into the house of the woman he had proposed to and set fire to the young lady’s brother’s car. According to a report in yesterday’s Al-Jazirah daily, the man was angry when the woman’s brother expressed strong objection to the idea of marriage. The report didn’t say how the woman felt about the proposal, nor what happened to the young man after his alleged misdeed came to light.

Insulted husband ‘kicks’ wife out of his life

AHSA: As any Saudi will tell you, calling somebody a “homaar” (donkey) is almost as bad as saying something bad about a person’s mother. A local daily reported yesterday that a woman here learned the consequences of insulting her husband the hard way. According to the report, the wife called her husband who was late for picking her up from a friend’s place and asked him what was taking him so long. As she was hanging up, she turned to her friend and called her husband a donkey that she can manipulate easily. Unfortunately, her husband was still on the line when she said this. Moments later, she received a text message from her husband requesting her presence in court — divorce court.

me as myself


Entry for October 28, 2008 magnify
Date me or lose your job! — Sexual harassment by supervisor forces woman to resign
Hassna’a Mokhtar I Arab News

JEDDAH: Lubna Alam, 35, was once a successful banker. She longs for the excitement and independence it brought her. Yet, she recalls the reasons that forced her to quit her job. She became fed up with her supervisor’s sexual harassment.

“My supervisor used to call my mobile late at night for trivial reasons. When I ignored his calls, he’d be rude to me the next day at the office. Whenever we held a meeting, he’d vulgarly comment on my looks or my clothes. It was psychologically and emotionally disturbing, and I didn’t know what to do,” said Lubna, nervously popping her fingers.

Lubna bent a lot of rules to keep working but was tiring of the situation. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when her supervisor gave her two choices: To go out on a date with him or resign.

With the absence of a legislated system that governs the relationship between men and women in the workplace, Lubna’s situation is a common problem.

In February 2008, Arab News reported that the Social, Family and Youth Affairs Committee at the Shoura Council was drafting a legal system to protect women in the workplace. The draft also included sexual-harassment laws. Local newspapers recently reported that the draft law suggests a SR50,000 fine and a prison sentence of up to three years for people found guilty of sexually harassing women in the workplace.

However, even if a law is issued, most sexual harassment cases would go undetected because of the unwillingness of women to report them, said Mazin Balilah, Shoura member at the Cultural and Informational Affairs Committee and the person who proposed the idea of having such laws. This leads to the question why women shy away from reporting harassment?

A recent report in Al-Madinah newspaper stated that women lack awareness, fear society’s reaction, and worry about their reputation and being accused of provoking men’s harassment.

Amani Al-Mohamadi is a 30-year-old saleswoman. Her work does not require direct communication with men. Once she struggled with a problem and had to consult her manager.

“I spoke to my manager. I found him extra nice to me. He asked for my cell phone number and gave me his in return. He said I could call anytime. Then he asked me not to share the number with anyone else. He started sending me text messages with disgusting sexual content,” she said.

Amani confronted her manager. Two weeks later she was transferred to a new branch. Fearing she might lose her job and the only means of financially supporting her family, Amani learned to put up with her manager’s twisted games and avoid confrontation.

“No one supervises the workplace in terms of sexual harassment, especially the private sector. This has contributed to an increase in such incidents,” said Amani.

Suhaila Zainul Abidin, an activist working with the Saudi Society for Human Rights, said that many women prefer remaining silent than reporting cases of harassment as they worry about damaging their reputations. “The harasser is the one to worry. He should be punished and defamed ... this will not happen unless women speak,” she said.

Last week, an Egyptian man was sentenced to three years in jail with hard labor for sexually harassing a woman in Cairo. He was also ordered to pay the woman $895 in damages. In hopes of a safer work environment, women are eager to see the same in the Kingdom. Working women want to be assured that employers and coworkers will not sexually harass them.

me as myself

Saudi Sheikhs’ fatwas in the spotlight

CAIRO: A Saudi Sheikh recently issued a fatwa stating that women who wear the niqab (full face veil) are only allowed to show one eye, covering the other along with the rest of their bodies.

Sheikh Mohamed Al-Habdan issued that decree during his appearance on Al-Majd satellite channel.

“When Ibn Abbas [known for his knowledge and his interpretations of the Quran and the Prophet’s sayings] was reading the holy Quranic verse that mentions the veil, he covered his face and one eye, while showed a little of his other eye and said: this is the face veil, just enough to be able to see the way,” Al-Habdan said.

He went on to urge Muslim women who wear the niqab to adjust it so that it only shows one of their eyes, adding that showing both eyes is “Islamically incorrect.”

However, controversial fatwas are nothing new to Al-Habdan. He had also issued another fatwa forbidding Muslim women from going out without a mehrem — a male guardian, usually the husband or a relative who is religiously banned from marrying that woman (father, brother, son, maternal or paternal uncle, grandfather or nephew).

Al-Majd satellite channel was once before the platform for another controversial fatwa by Sheikh Saleh El-Lheidan, chief of the Saudi’s Supreme Judiciary Council, against watching the Olympics and Turkish soap operas. 

El-Lheidan said the Olympics includes “obscene scenes” and “nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits.”

As for the Turkish soap operas, El-Lheidan commented on the scenes that show bedrooms or are shot in bedrooms.

He went further to issue another fatwa that permits the killing of the owners of satellite TV stations who show “immoral” content.

“I advise the owners of the shameless satellite stations who distribute programs promoting impudence, insolence and silly humor,” said El-Lheidan. “I warn them, they’re wasting people’s time and corrupting them. If they don’t heed our call, their killing could be permissible.”

The holy month of Ramadan has seen its share of controversial fatwas such as one deeming Mickey Mouse “an agent of Satan.”

Saudi Sheikh Muhammad Munajid reportedly said that “both household mice and their cartoon counterparts must be killed.”

(source:Daily News Egypt,By Yasmine Saleh)

me as myself

Nikah misyar-temporary marriage

Entry for October 09, 2008
Entry for October 09, 2008 magnify
Some women thrive on ‘misyar’ business
Arjuwan Lakkdawala | Arab News

JEDDAH: Misyar marriages are usually clandestine and the women in most cases forfeit all their rights. Why should any women accept such conditions? The reason is usually a lack of options to get married traditionally. Some may have passed the most-sought-after marriage age and others may be widows or divorcees.

In the majority of such marriages, the woman always seeks a stable married life. But the kinds of men who seek misyar are usually married and want a second wife without disrupting their first marriage. As expected, the first wife would object to the marriage and things could get complicated, eventually the misyar would end up in divorce.

Men who don’t have enough income to be the breadwinner for two families also seek misyar, instead of taking a second wife through a traditional marriage.

It is interesting to note that a minority of women have turned misyar into a business. These women never intend to stay married to the same man for more than a few months; the cause of this is the lucrative dowry they get from each marriage. And during the few months of marriage they try to extract as much money as they can.

If the husband refuses to divorce at any point in the marriage, they then use what they claim is a very effective way of making him obey: They threaten to inform the first wife of the secret marriage.

One such woman is Siham, who has been married six times (one traditional and five misyar). She said men who are “scared to death of their first wives” are exactly the type she seeks to marry in misyar.

“I only marry men who are afraid of their first wives and are financially well off,” said Siham, who asked to be known only by her nickname, which means “Arrows” in Arabic.

“When I hear that there is a suitor looking for misyar, I check two things — whether he is wealthy and whether he is afraid of his wife,” said Siham, adding that she takes no less than SR30,000 in dowry.

In many misyar marriages the husband usually doesn’t live with the woman and tends to visit his wife whenever it is convenient. All five of Siham’s former husbands have been such.

Prior to the misyar marriage, Siham’s husband-to-be is made to believe that no financial support will be required of him, and that all the marriage will cost him is the dowry.

However, after the marriage Siham reveals her true color. Every time her husband wants to visit her (once in a week or two) she fleeces anything between SR5,000 and SR7,000 from him.

“I make him pay all my expenses, otherwise I don’t allow him visits,” she said. “I believe men have been taking advantage of women in misyar marriages. They take so much from women and give so little, but I’ve turned the tables on them.”

After getting divorced, Siham completes the waiting period of four months and 10 days, which is required by the Shariah before a widow or a divorcee marries again.

Ever since Siham turned misyar into a business, she has been very careful about her dealings. She said she had kept all her husbands in the dark about how many times she had been married.

“I tell them that I have been married once,” she said. “And there is no way for them to find out because after my first marriage, which was a traditional one, my other marriages were not registered in the court.”

Siham says that her first husband abused her for years until she got divorced from him.

But what made Siham think of misyar as a business? Siham claims that she learned of this eccentric trade from some women she befriended.

“I learned from my friends who like me were abused by their first husbands,” she said.

According to Islamic law, a marriage is not legitimate if any of the spouses gets married with the intention of ending the union after a specific period.

me as myself

Effects of evil eye exaggerated, says psychiatrist

Effects of evil eye exaggerated, says psychiatrist
Laura Bashraheel | Arab News


Entry for October 04, 2008

JEDDAH: The evil eye is something that people in the Kingdom — like those of other cultures and religions — generally believe in. However, many people exaggerate its effects and often develop a psyche to continuously attribute their unhappiness and illnesses to the concept.

The evil eye, which is known in Arabic as “Ain,” comes into effect when someone is jealous of another person. As a result, the person affected will feel an adverse effect, such as some sort of material harm.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) indicated that the influence of the evil eye is a fact. Saying Masha Allah (as God wills) when someone sees something appealing is a way of protecting others from the evil eye. It is customary to say Masha Allah, or invoke God’s blessings on the object or person that is being admired. Reciting certain verses from the Qur’an is used to protect one’s self from the evil eye.

In certain cultures, people burn incense sticks, hang the evil eye symbol in their homes, burn garlic peels and carry out wiping rituals. However, Islam considers such actions baseless. Prayers and a clean forgiving heart are what Islam preaches. The Islamic faith teaches believers to look toward those who are above them when considering righteousness and piety, and look toward those below them when considering their material physical wellbeing.

However, some people go to the extreme by believing that the evil eye is behind every difficulty that comes to them. Some wealthy people refrain from spending because they are afraid the evil eye might adversely affect them.

One mother of three, who asked her name not be published, is convinced that the evil eye will harm her family if they spend too much money or show off their opulence.

Her son, who used to own a Porsche while studying in Canada, believed that the evil eye caused him to crash his car. When he first brought the car to Canada from Jeddah, his mother put black seeds into it to protect it. (Black seeds are said to be useful for healing and curing especially if blessed with verses from the Qur’an.)

The woman’s son attributed the crash to the removal of the black seeds when he got the car cleaned.

Maha Ibrahim, a 28-year-old university graduate, said that she and her friends once befriended a woman.

“My friends and I started to hang out with this woman. The first time she joined us was at my friend’s house. When she first walked into the house, she noticed my friend’s new eyeglasses and commented on how nice they were. After a while, she accidentally broke them by sitting on them,” said Ibrahim.

Ibrahim said the woman came to visit her after she gave birth to her first child. The woman commented on how she was breast-feeding her baby. Sometime later, her breasts became affected with a strange type of eczema.

“On another occasion we were all at my friend’s house and the woman commented how beautiful the house and carpets were. At that time a charcoal from a hubble-bubble fell onto the carpet. The resulting burn looked like an eye,” she said. “This was when we decided not to contact her again.”

Dr. Saad Al-Khateeb, a senior consultant psychiatrist at the Jeddah Psychiatric Hospital, said that although Islam recognizes the effects of evil eye as a fact, some people overly attribute all sickness to the concept.

“As a psychiatrist and a Muslim I do believe in the evil eye but some people go to extremes,” said Al-Khateeb.

“If someone is affected with the evil eye and then falls in the street and breaks his leg, should he go to a doctor or a religious man? The result of the evil eye needs to be cured medically,” he added.

Al-Khateeb said psychologists do not study the evil eye. “If someone was affected with it then he or she should see a specialist, for example a religious man who cures using the Qur’an and not a magician who uses black magic. As psychiatrists we try to cure the illness ... we try to convince the patient that he or she needs help,” he added.

Al-Khateeb pointed out that some people attribute certain chronic psychological illnesses whose causes are unclear to the evil eye. “I also believe that the media plays a role in making people believe that evil eye is behind everything, such as a soap about black magic and the evil eye aired on MBC in Ramadan. If someone is a believer he or she would never be affected,” he added.


me as myself

Minors should face simple legal punishment,what about parents???

Entry for October 03, 2008 magnify
Children and guns a dangerous mix: 4-year-old shoots father
Hayat Al-Ghamdi | Arab News

ABHA: A four-year-old boy accidentally killed his father while playing with a firearm in the Mahd Al-Dahab region of Madinah province.

Col. Muhsin Al-Radadi, Madinah police spokesman, told Arab News that the father who went to a shop left his child and a cousin in the car. When the father returned his son shot him by mistake while playing with a loaded firearm the man had kept unsecured in his car.

“There is no criminal involvement,” said Al-Radadi.

According to Sultan bin Zahim, a lawyer based in Madinah, minors (defined in Shariah as anyone who has not passed puberty) are not punished for such an act. Guardians of children can in some cases be found guilty of negligence.

In a similar incident in Baha, police are investigating a recent case of a seven-year-old boy who accidentally killed his 33-year-old cousin while playing with a firearm.

In this case the child is also not being held responsible, but it’s not clear if relatives can be charged for negligence related to keeping a loaded firearm within reach of a child.

Hadi Al-Yami, lawyer and a member of the governmental Human Rights Commission, said minors in these cases could receive “simple legal punishment depending on what the judge sees.”

Such rulings also depend on the involvement of others in the crime and what the victims or victims’ families ask in compensation.

(Sanja note -> member of local Human Rights commission can say something like that???Should he study a bit more meaning of Human Rights?? )

Several incidents have been reported of mistake killings that take place during marriage ceremonies and festivals, where many people express their happiness by shooting in the open.

This summer several such killings took place, including that of a 28-year-old Saudi in the Eastern Province.

A two-year-old girl died from a bullet wound in the central region of the Kingdom when her father was cleaning a gun he didn’t realize was loaded.

Shooting firearms into the air is dangerous for another reason: What comes up must come down, and falling bullets have been known to injure or even kill unfortunate people.

Hunting trips can also result in accidental death or injury.

— With input by Fatima Sidiya